Monthly Archives: March 2012

Chicken Milk

Me: Y’know, they’re always talking about cow milk and goat milk. Nobody ever talks about chicken milk. Wife: I don’t think you can get milk from a chicken. Can you? Me: No. I was just joking. You have to be … Continue reading

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Vegetative State

(Sigh). So, this is an unlikely development: I’m now a vegetarian— “unlikely” because I’m not the vegetarian type. I subscribed to the notion that that if God didn’t want people to eat animals, he wouldn’t have made them out of … Continue reading

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The New New Patriotism

What’s the most important challenge facing the U.S. right now? Terrorism? The trade gap with China? Jobs and the economy? No. The financial press and its attending pundits talk about a U.S. budget crisis a la Greece—but much worse. Size … Continue reading

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I can’t be a douche bag—no self-respecting douche bag would be seen in public dressed like me.

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5 Signs My Life Has Already Peaked

Five syndromes and how their symptoms have manifested themselves in my life. These five signs point—quite convincingly—to the fact that my life has already peaked. Escapist Fantasy Addiction: I Play the Lottery. Playing the lottery isn’t sad—just stupid. Most lottery … Continue reading

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Before, I thought I knew, but NOW…I know I know.

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The High Value of Low Values

File this under news that’s not news: Researchers have have found that wealthy people are more likely to lie and cheat than the rest of us. I won’t burden you with details (Read the article). But this confirms the prevailing … Continue reading

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God made toddlers ticklish so we don’t have to beat ‘em to get them into their car seats.

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Oh God

God comes up a lot in my writing. I’m not a religious person. No, “God” could often be used interchangeably with terms like “Mother Nature,” “evolution,” “fate,” or “dumb luck.” But the fact is, if you’re like most people, you’re … Continue reading

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