Monthly Archives: April 2012

Handicap Ramp Available

A stupid sign at Bill’s Pub in Mundelein, IL

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There’s nothing on my plate that wouldn’t give you a heart attack or diabetes. The closest thing to health food on the table is coffee with sugar. Yeah. I ate it anyway.

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Drank waaaay too much last night: It’s one of those “Oh good, there are my keys.” kinda’ mornings. Glad it’s not one of those “Oh fuck! Where the fuck are my keys!! Shit! Shit! Shit!” mornings.

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In the early years, most of parenting revolves around protecting your kid from your stuff and your stuff from your kid.

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Braille Menu Available at McDonald’s Drive-Thru Window

"Braille and Picture Menus Available" Sign at McDonald's Drive-Thru Window”

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Acute Plumbers Crack

Before I get into this story, some background facts: At the time of this story, I had lost about 30 lbs since becoming a flexitarian seven weeks earlier. I had plumbers dig a (stinky) hole in my basement to install … Continue reading

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Parenting a toddler and honesty are nearly strangers in my house.

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Trying is the first step toward success…and failure—don’t forget about the failure part.

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Hollow Chocolate Bunnies: An Easter Lesson

If you don’t want to know the truth about the Easter Bunny, stop reading now. Okay. The truth: There is no Easter Bunny, of course. As everyone over the age of seven can guess, in my house, my wife and … Continue reading

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A Stinky Hole in the Basement

A week ago Wednesday, plumbers began jackhammering through the floor of my finished basement. The objective: put a check valve in my sewer line so when it rains heavily, my basement doesn’t fill up with shit from my neighbors—yes, I … Continue reading

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