Ding-Dong! The Cat is Dead

(Sigh) Until last week, a furry little bone of contention has be running around our house for the past 3½ years. Before that, he was just the family (read: my wife’s) cat.

Just before our son was born, I realized having a cat wasn’t “a good fit” for the new life on which my wife and I were about to embark. But the cat had been with her through thick and thin for longer than me—he had seniority. Since then, we’ve argued over his presence in our house and our lives.

It’s been a cold war: One in which I’ve used passive measures such abdicating cat maintenance responsibilities only to begrudgingly “help out” to defend our household from “House of Squalor” status. I’ve joked that it would be horrible if “something” were to happen to the cat—admittedly half joked knowing that was the only way I’d live cat-free. I’ve argued that it would be best for everyone—including the cat—to give him away.

All to no avail.

The arguments against having a cat are:

  1. Less fur around the house.
  2. Less cat urine on our stuff: beds; closets floors; etc.
  3. Less cat shit on our stuff: See cat urine list
  4. Less cat vomit on our stuff: That could really be anywhere.
  5. No litter box to clean.

  6. Not being awakened early in the morning (like 4:30 am…) by a hungry cat.
  7. Spend less money on cat food, supplies, and vet bills

Honestly, I don’t know what is up with cats. They have a reputation of being clean animals because of their constant grooming and bathroom habits. But I think we’d all agree that if a person stood in the toilet with bare feet, licked themselves constantly to the point of coughing up hair, and threw up every 3 days, we’d consider that individual to have a number of problems. In this light, I’m surprised cats haven’t joined the ranks of rats, mice, and roaches as creatures you’d pay someone to eliminate from your home—Lord knows I’ve thought about it.

But don’t think that I hate cats—in fact, I much prefer them dogs. And I didn’t really have a problem with “our” cat. My only problem with cats was that we had one. My only problem with our cat was that he was our cat: a guy doing cat things (see list above) in our house.

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