Excuses and Cautionary Tales

Ding-Dong! The Cat is Dead

(Sigh) Until last week, a furry little bone of contention has be running around our house for the past 3½ years. Before that, he was just the family (read: my wife’s) cat. Just before our son was born, I realized … Continue reading

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Gone Fishin’

Today is a beautiful day to be out on the lake. It’s not sunny, but it’s comfortably warm and there’s just a hint of a breeze. It’s so quiet—just a gentle ripple on the water. It’s perfect. Unfortunately… Im sitting … Continue reading

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There’s nothing on my plate that wouldn’t give you a heart attack or diabetes. The closest thing to health food on the table is coffee with sugar. Yeah. I ate it anyway.

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Drank waaaay too much last night: It’s one of those “Oh good, there are my keys.” kinda’ mornings. Glad it’s not one of those “Oh fuck! Where the fuck are my keys!! Shit! Shit! Shit!” mornings.

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Acute Plumbers Crack

Before I get into this story, some background facts: At the time of this story, I had lost about 30 lbs since becoming a flexitarian seven weeks earlier. I had plumbers dig a (stinky) hole in my basement to install … Continue reading

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A Stinky Hole in the Basement

A week ago Wednesday, plumbers began jackhammering through the floor of my finished basement. The objective: put a check valve in my sewer line so when it rains heavily, my basement doesn’t fill up with shit from my neighbors—yes, I … Continue reading

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5 Signs I’m No Longer “Hip”

Admittedly, an argument could be made that I never really was “hip”. With that said, there was a day when I was much closer to passing for hip than I am today. I’ve picked out my “Dream Minivan” With only … Continue reading

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Stink

While I’m reheating some chili in the microwave (Yes. Vegetarian.), my wife is loading the dishwasher next to me. She turns to me and says… Wife: Did you put on deoderant today? Me: Yeah. Actually just a few minutes ago. … Continue reading

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Chicken Milk

Me: Y’know, they’re always talking about cow milk and goat milk. Nobody ever talks about chicken milk. Wife: I don’t think you can get milk from a chicken. Can you? Me: No. I was just joking. You have to be … Continue reading

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Vegetative State

(Sigh). So, this is an unlikely development: I’m now a vegetarian— “unlikely” because I’m not the vegetarian type. I subscribed to the notion that that if God didn’t want people to eat animals, he wouldn’t have made them out of … Continue reading

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